Taking a Leap for Love

It’s Leap Day! Since February has an extra day this year, we present a bonus episode: a review of the movie Leap Year (2010) starring Amy Adams. Guess which of your hosts will get extra sappy and which will get practical as we follow this rom-com story set in Dublin, Ireland. On a quest for a Leap Day marriage proposal we will cover it all from Celtic traditions, to travel disasters and relational misunderstandings. Does it all lead to a happy ending? Watch the movie to find out and then join us on the podcast to sort through the hilarity and mishaps to find the gold at the end of the rainbow.

see full transcript below

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More about the movie: Leap Year (2010)

View movie trailer here.

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Wedding toast from the movie:

May you never steal, lie, or cheat, but if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows, and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life, and if you must cheat, then please cheat death because I couldn't live a day without you. Cheers!

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music by Oleskii Kaplunskyi from Pixabay

produced by Zach Van Dyke

transcription by Ryan Van Dyke

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David: Welcome to With U Podcast. I'm David. 

Tara: And I'm Tara, and we talk about life transitions and relationships. And do we have some relationships for you?

David: Oh, we're going to have fun. I'm glad this only happens once every four years.

Tara: Yeah. We're dropping this episode on leap day. 

David: And it's a– 

Tara: In a leap year. 

David: So I'm going to, I'm going to start us out with some history. 5, 000 years of history. 

Tara: Okay. Before you get to your history, this is kind of a bonus episode. It's, It's, it's really fun. We're just going to do a movie review, which we did once in season one, I think, and it was, it was kind of fun, lighthearted, and so we have watched a movie to review for you along with our fun and sparkling editorials... 

David: About relationships and how we love, uh, rom coms, 

Tara: Right?

David: Yeah. 

Tara: It's not our usual fare, but yes, but when given a good excuse 

David: I know. 

Tara: We do enjoy it. 

David: And we, we have different responses to it. 

Tara: Yeah. 

David: Like I cry at the end of every rom com and I, I just don't even like myself for it. 

Tara: You say that, but you, you love the response you get when you say that. 

David: It just, it just pulls at my heartstrings. I can't help. I don't think I'm a romantic, but then I just want them to be happy. 

Tara: Then you get all gooey. 

David: I am so gooey. 

Tara: Yeah. So this was a fun excuse since we're dropping on leap day to watch a movie called Leap Year. 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: Yeah. 

David: It's a, it's a good, fun movie that you probably only need to see once. 

Tara: Yeah. And if you haven't seen it, you should watch it maybe before you listen because we're going to give it all away. 

David: Yeah. Spoilers, right? You won't be surprised by anything. 

Tara: Yeah. So we're going to talk about the movie Leap Year, which was put out in 2010, I think? 

David: Yep. 2010. 

Tara: And so you can kind of get us started with what is, what Leap Year is.

David: You really don't want to ask me that, do you? 

Tara: Not really. 

David: No, so leap year, there's, there's lots, it goes all the way back to the Sumerians and 5, 000 years ago, but I'm not going that far back. 

Tara: Okay. 

David: So we're going to talk about the Julian calendar and the Gregorian calendar. 

Tara: We got, we got like 45 minutes. 

David: Okay, so I will go quickly. Um, the rotation of the earth around the sun happens every 365. 24219 days. And, uh, Caesar realized, oh, we're off about a quarter of a day and over a long period of time that messes up all the religious calendars and all the special days and everything. And so, uh, Julius Caesar, in 45 BC, decided to change the calendar and had first a year of confusion where 

Tara: I think I'm in that year. 

David: Yeah. It was called the ultimus. Uh, I don't want to say the Latin 

Tara: Ultimus something? 

David: Ultimus annus confusionis. So the year of confusion. And he ordered that that year be 445 days long. Uh, and it was kind of resetting the thing, so then the following year they would have 365 days. And then every four years he would add an extra day to balance out the calendar. And this went on for, I don't know, 1500 years. Um, and then Pope Gregory XIII, in 1582, realized we have a bit of a problem because there's still a slow creep. And so he added in that we don't change leap year by, uh, years divided by a hundred, except for years divided by 400, and then we will have a leap day. So it's all advanced math, but basically because our earth rotates a little bit fast, or a little bit longer around the sun, we have to add an extra day every four years, except on years divided by a hundred. 

Tara: Oh my goodness. 

David: But excluding years divided by 400. 

Tara: Okay, you've totally lost me, but that's the historical reason why we have 29 days in February every four years. And then there end up being some fun traditions around it. And a fun little fact too, our first child was due right around a leap year. He was due exactly one week after February 29th of a particular year. So we had a lot of fun guessing if he might be, have a leap day birthday and only get his birthday every four years. But he waited a little longer. 

David: It would have saved us money. 

Tara: Right. 

David: Right? You only get four birthday presents every 16 years and it'd've been great. 

Tara: Yeah, so we, we had a lot of attention on leap year that, that time, but I, I don't pay much attention to it except that I don't, you know, I don't like February and it's just one extra day in that month.

David: It extends it long. 

Tara: Yeah. 

David: Yeah. So boring. But, 

Tara: But you're going to tell us something about the Celtic tradition that has sprung up around leap year, or leap day, that also is sort of the premise for this whole movie. 

David: Yeah. Are you actually asking me to tell more history? 

Tara: Yes, please tell us, David.

David: Well, it's It started in the fifth century and there was problems in Ireland because the Irish men were just not asking the women to get married. And so there was,

Tara: What was going on there?

David: I have no idea, uh, the, the, the nun, St. Bridget said they were just lazy. Um, I don't think that was the case, but she was from Kildare and so she decided to ask St. Patrick, uh, if we could allow women a chance to give the men a proposal because they were just taking too long and St. Patrick said, "sure. We'll do it on leap day." And so the 29th of February, in Ireland, there's a tradition that that's when it's acceptable for women to propose. I'm uncomfortable saying it out loud.

Tara: Is that a widely known thing or is that just a... 

David: Yeah, I think it is a, it's a culturally known thing, but, um, yeah. I think it's changed. I mean, now in contemporary society, when we have different gender roles, I don't think it's that big of a thing. I think women are fine asking men, but that's the premise of the movie too, is that, uh, the characters that we're going to get into are built around proposal, and proposal not happening, and then thinking about this tradition, this Irish tradition that then leads to mayhem and hilarity. 

Tara: Cool. So enter the movie Leap Year. Um, and I will just kind of set up the characters first and we'll set up the story and then we've got, we've got some things to say about it. We'll kind of tear it down, add our thoughts.

David: We always, we always can pull things apart. We've got that good critical thinking. 

Tara: Right. Uh, so the main character is Anna. 

David: Yes. Anna's very fastidioush... fastidious? 

Tara: Meticulous? 

David: Meticulous. She's one of those things. 

Tara: Yeah. So she's a character who lives in Boston, um, and she is a home stager. So she buys all the furniture to make a home that's for sale look like a home. So she creates little scenarios and tableaus, and... 

David: Is that different than an interior designer where someone helps us make our house look nice? 

Tara: It is. And we never had one of those. That's me. 

David: Yeah, that is you. 

Tara: But, uh, yes, because the stager just sets it up to look the way you want the buyer to see the home, and then you move all those things away. They're just temporary, and then they go away. 

David: Ah. That might be a metaphor within this movie. 

Tara: Might be, might be getting somewhere. 

David: So we have Anna. 

Tara: Yeah, who's very, um, very much a planner, a hardworking woman in Boston who likes to control her environment and know what's happening. 

David: Yeah. And very fine detail. So controlling detail, uh, are a big part of kind of the beginning of her character. 

Tara: Yes. 

David: And then we have Jeremy. 

Tara: Jeremy is her boyfriend. 

David: Yep. They've been dating for a while. 

Tara: Several years, right? 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: Yeah, and he is a cardiologist. 

David: Oh. 

Tara: In Boston. 

David: All right. 

Tara: You knew that. 

David: That's right. That's right, I did watch the movie with you. 

Tara: I'm not telling you this story. Yeah, so he is also a hard working person, we find out very quickly in the movie, and seems very distracted. 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: He's always getting updates. I don't know if this is true. Most of the doctors I know aren't always getting calls with updates about patients, and they need to run into the hospital immediately. I don't know, his life seems very busy. 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: He seems to always be on his phone and he's showing her– this kind of reminded me actually of you and me because, not because of their personalities,

David: Okay. 

Tara: But he's getting updates and showing her pictures of like, in the middle of heart surgery. 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: Uh, you know. 

David: Really disturbing images? Yes. Oh, I see you're Jeremy. 

Tara: With the, uh, yeah, the photos that nobody else wants to see. 

David: Yeah. It's, it's remarkable. Uh, but the difference between you and Jeremy is Jeremy is kind of distracted and prioritizes work above all else.

Tara: Mm-Hmm. 

David: Um, and that's not you. 

Tara: I hope not. 

David: And I am not controlling and detail oriented. 

Tara: No, so, 

David: So that's where it breaks down. 

Tara: We're not seeing ourselves here. 

David: No, but gross things on your phone? Yes. And then there's one other character, main character. 

Tara: Yes, but we'll get more into him later. So there's only one other main person in this movie. It's another male by the name of Declan. 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: Yeah. 

David: And he'll, he'll come into the picture once we get to where we're going. 

Tara: Right. So yes, in Boston, Anna and Jeremy are, are trying to figure, well, I wouldn't say, I'd say Anna's trying to figure out where her relationship is going. 

David: Yeah. What's his intent?

Tara: Right. So they've been dating a while and I think she's hoping it's going to move on to marriage. 

David: Yep. And so she has a friend that kind of tells her, "hey, I saw Jeremy with a box from a jewelry store." And supposedly we're supposed to know what that box means. Uh, and she gets all excited and gets dressed up for the dinner date expecting to be proposed to.

Tara: Right. And, you know, the scene unfolds where they're at a very fancy restaurant. He's called her for this special date. She knows what the setup's going to be. 

David: My heart starts, my heart starts racing at this moment. 

Tara: And David's getting all gushy already. And he pulls out a jewelry box. She opens it and it's earrings.

David: Oh, wah, wah. Now they're expensive earrings. 

Tara: Yeah. I think they're diamond earrings. Um, he seems to have good intentions and seems to be in the relationship, but, but the next thing that happens is he gets a call from the hospital and he leaves her at the restaurant with her earrings while he rushes off to, uh, a patient.

David: Yeah. And I think he was going to a conference the next day, so this was an emergency surgery and then he was leaving for a cardiologist conference in Dublin. 

Tara: Right. 

David: The following day. 

Tara: Right. So it's a goodbye, and he's off to Dublin the next day, um, and she's feeling very disappointed. Um, and I think she had told, she'd run into her dad the day before that.

David: Oh, that's right. 

Tara: We need to tell that story. 

David: Yeah. So in anticipation of going out to dinner, uh, she's spending time at the bar to meet her father, to tell him what the, what's going on. And so she's sitting at this bar, and it's really kind of comical because there's this guy that's been there a while that's slowly creeping his way over to hit on her, and then enter her dad. And her dad mistakes this guy creeping on her as her intended. And it made me laugh really, really hard. It has nothing to do with the story. 

Tara: Right, nothing to do with anything really, but, um, but she already is expecting this proposal and so tells her dad she's getting engaged, and, which prompts him to tell her this story then because we're now, we must be in February at this point, and he tells her about this Celtic tradition that, something that happened in their family, right?

David: Yeah, so he, he says, "oh this just reminds me of your grandma Jane and grandpa that uh, he got engaged, uh, by the grandma, Jane, asking her in Dublin, uh, where women can propose to men on the 29th of February." And you see kind of, uh, I always want to say, Amy, that's the actress. Anna. 

Tara: Yes, Amy Adams plays the main character. 

David: But Anna is like, "okay, whatever dad." And, but the seed is planted. It's foreshadowing. 

Tara: Right. So she dismisses this cute little tradition of women proposing to men because she believes she's about to be proposed to, and then after the disappoint, the big disappointment she remembers this tradition and her intended happens to be in Dublin and it happens to be almost leap year. So she says "why not take matters into my own hands, fly to Dublin, propose on leap day? It'll be a sweet family tradition. It'll be cute and we'll have a great story and I'll get everything I want." Right? So this is the whole quest. 

David: That's right. 

Tara: Now this is the quest of the movie is for Anna to... 

David: Propose on leap day in Dublin, Ireland. I always want to say it with a bit of an accent. 

Tara: Please don't try.

David: I'm so tempted. All right. So if I do, I apologize, but let's, let's take a minute here to talk about proposals because, um, I think a lot of people do wedding proposals for the story and now for, like, the photo ops. 

Tara: Yeah. Well, there's a lot to pull apart there. 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: Um, and the, just the whole, she's got to have a special day to tell her special person that she wants to marry them.

David: Yeah. Well, what are the, what were the traditions or what were the expectations you had growing up for proposals? 

Tara: I mean, it was very traditional. So I mean, even when we got engaged, it was like the boy asked the girl and usually they don't talk about it beforehand. It's a big surprise. 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: You know, um, just like the fairy tales, 

David: And the movie. 

Tara: The prince comes and just gets on a knee and it's like, "wow!" And the big yes, and the, you know, so that was kind of the picture. And that was, I think kind of how it happened for most of our friends too like, you don't, you don't know about it beforehand as the girl, and then you, you know, you're waiting for that proposal and it's all in the hands of the young man.

David: Yeah. And it's really, it was stressful as the young man. So I look back and I think it's kind of silly we didn't talk about it. It was this kind of, there was actually a strong silence 

Tara: Uh huh. 

David: Around proposal. 

Tara: And I confess there were times I was wondering too where it was going and we didn't directly talk about it. It was kind of talked around. 

David: Yeah, like, hold on, don't go anywhere, stay tuned. But we didn't have really direct conversation. And, and then for me, it was one of the most vulnerable times of proposing because we hadn't talked about it. So I'm like, I'm pretty sure you're into me, but now I'm going to lay all my cards on the table. On my knee in the rain, 

Tara: Pretty risky. 

David: And, uh, I remember you played with that emotional vulnerability. 

Tara: Just a little. 

David: Cause after I assumed you had said yes, uh, I said to you, "I'm so," I confessed my anxiety, "I'm so glad you said yes." And what did you say? 

Tara: I said, "I didn't say yes." 

David: And I, my heart stopped. 

Tara: And I was so surprised. You did look like you went pale.

David: Yeah. 

Tara: I was like, "I said, of course!" 

David: And then I'm like, Oh, come on. 

Tara: That was the editor in me. It's all about the words, like what, what words exactly were spoken. 

David: But it's, it's interesting. I mean, that part of it's interesting, but even just the gender part that it's, it's male initiated, female response. That's pretty antiquated now.

Tara: And then it's like every girl's dream. And yeah, it's kind of, yeah. I feel like that narrative is switching a little bit. And when I think back, too, we just kind of did it that way because that was how it was done. 

David: Expected. 

Tara: That's what we expected. That's what we'd seen and heard. Um, I think we've learned a lot about thinking for ourselves as we get older, but thinking about deciding on a life partnership, it seems like everything else we've done that's that big of a leap. Leap. Get that? 

David: Has been fought for. Yeah. Hey, look at you! 

Tara: Um, involves a little more like mutual conversation and decision making, right? 

David: Yeah. And yeah, a lot of intentionality and doing it together. And I thought about that as we were preparing to talk and like we, we prepare a lot for other things in our life, and we do it very transparently and it's a good metaphor for our relationship. Our starting out spot was not a good metaphor for a relationship of secrets, not disclosing, trying to surprise, all of that. When you think of how we're setting up the start of our relationship, that's not a great model. 

Tara: Yeah. But it was the template we had, and a lot of people love that, uh, the romance of it, I guess.

David: Yeah, I guess. 

Tara: And we're just getting, we're getting so jaded. 

David: I mean, we, we, uh, we're all about love. 

Tara: Yeah. 

David: We're all about openness, vulnerability. 

Tara: Feels like we had to keep explaining that last time too. 

David: I know. We don't want to be misunderstood. And yeah, this tradition has a lot loaded into it, I think, and that's what, in the movie, that's what leads to kind of hilarity and misunderstanding. And so there, but I think in real life we want to do things differently so we don't have hilarity and misunderstanding. 

Tara: Right. No hilarity involved. 

David: No. Life's hard enough. 

Tara: Yeah. But there was a lot of misunderstanding that came from not, not being clear about expectations. Yeah, so all of that is the setup for now she's going to fly off to Dublin, not, did she tell him she was coming?

David: No, it was going to be a surprise. 

Tara: I think she did say she was coming, but of course there's no, she did let him know eventually she was on the way because she calls him to say she's, 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: She's been diverted, which we're getting to. But, uh, she, 

David: I probably should have paid more attention. I don't know if she told him or not.

Tara: Yes, cause I do remember she had to tell him she was delayed. 

David: Oh she said she's going to join him, yeah. 

Tara: She said, "I'm just going to join you at your conference cause I miss seeing you." But of course the, the proposal is a secret. So she takes a plane to Dublin. What could go wrong? Boston to Dublin. It's not that far. 

David: Right? We've flown that before and that's not a problem, but I love this part cause it's kind of a throwback to one of my favorite movies, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

Tara: Yes. There begins to be many modes of transportation, unintended modes, involved. Yeah. So as she's flying to Ireland, um, up arises a great storm. 

David: And the plane has to be diverted and there's hilarity there. She's sitting next to a priest and kind of losing her mind, and he doesn't want to talk to her at all.

Tara: I, yeah, I'd forgotten that. She was oversharing on the plane. She's a nervous talker. 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: Uh, so the plane, the airport is shut in Dublin. She's diverted to Cardiff, Wales. So she's got to land in Wales, which is not terribly far. 

David: No, we know a lot of wonderful people in Wales. Love it. Separate country from Ireland.

Tara: Yeah. So she lands in Wales and is a very take charge kind of person, so she's marching around the airport demanding um, an alternate flight and gets told off by the, 

David: That's right. 

Tara: By the flight people in the, the airport staff. And there are no options. Everything's shut down. This is apparently a monster storm. 

David: Can't, uh, can't get a bus ride to another airport. Everything's shut down. 

Tara: Yeah. So her plan is already encountering some issues, and now she's got to find another way to get toward, in the direction of Dublin. So with all flights shut down, and she's got a time schedule because sleep day is in a few days, I don't know exactly what the time frame was, um, she finds somebody who will take her on a fishing boat. 

David: Yeah. Well, the ferry was closed, and so she got a fishing boat. 

Tara: Right, in the storm, from Cardiff which is supposed to be going to Cork. 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: I guess. And don't look up a map because this doesn't really map out well, but let's just be in movie imaginary land. Um, the, the, the storm is so bad on the sea that she can't land in Cork and is diverted to, to Dingle, Ireland.

David: My favorite name of an Irish town. She lands on the beach in Dingle. 

Tara: Yes. And so in Dingle is where we meet our other main character. So she, she's left just on a beach. 

David: Yeah. That I didn't understand either. There's a really bad storm, no port. They just drop her off on the beach and she walks up to this pub. 

Tara: With her Louis Vuitton suitcase and her high heels.

David: And she enters the pub, and here is Decland, the owner of the pub. 

Tara: Yeah, Declan with an N. 

David: Declan with an N. Am I saying Decland? 

Tara: Yes. 

David: Oh, okay. Well, I like adding extra Ds. 

Tara: You do. Your name starts and ends with one. It works. 

David: That's right. It's one of my favorites! 

Tara: Yeah. So she, she marches into the nearest pub, which maybe is the only pub. It's a very, very small town. And there's a guy who is, seems to be the owner of the pub, and she's trying to get on a phone to find a taxi to get out of this town to get towards. Where's she going? 

David: Dublin. 

Tara: Dublin. Uh, she makes a call to the taxi driver. They gave her a number. It turns out the guy who answers the phone is also the pub owner and also the town chef. So, um, he, he's the main guy. 

David: And, and again, there's lots of tension, and her kind of big city ways and his small town pubby kind of ways... 

Tara: Such a typical meet cute, right? 

David: Yup. And so they're, they're already not liking each other. 

Tara: Right. So he's, he's the small town guy. Uh, she's demanding things go a different way. Uh, she doesn't really have options. And so, and they can't leave. There's also these, these guys who tend to hang around in the pubs who just are sort of a running joke throughout the movie of, they're the Irish guys with their, their good luck things like, you know, they're saying, "oh, you can't leave on a Sunday," or, "you can't, bad luck to drive on a Tuesday with a night, with a redhead." Or whatever, all these, you know. 

David: All these myths. 

Tara: Yes, so she needs to stay in the inn the first night, and he's agreed to, for a price, because apparently his pub is in danger of being shut down because he can't pay the rent. So this is the motivation. He really doesn't want to be in, 

David: In the car with her. 

Tara: In cooperation with her in any way, but she's, she offers to pay him a big sum to drive her to Dublin as her options are slim, and he agrees to do it because he needs the money. 

David: That's right. And across the trip, he always is upcharging her for other things. And so she destroys his room, uh, in the overnight, just because it's kind of an I Love Lucy kind of physical comedy piece, and then gets in the car in the morning. And the car, beautiful car, Renault 4, uh, the height of it, it's about my waist height. It was hard to picture them even folding themselves into this little jalopy. 

Tara: One of those tiny European cars.

David: Yeah. 

Tara: Yeah. So they're, they're in the countryside in Ireland and you know, the things you would expect ensue. There's cows walking across the road that are standing there, and they have to stop, and she's stepping in cow dung. And, um, they're arguing with each other, and the car loses its brake system and rolls backwards down the hill and into a pond. So they're now without a car, and they're stranded in the, in somewhere in Ireland. 

David: And she, she is telling him about this plan. Like, "I'm sure, you know, in Dublin, uh, on leap day, we can, women can propose to men." And he makes this wonderful statement, um, "desperate women are the only ones that try to trap men, not wanting to be married, on leap day." And he laughs and she gets upset and again, lots of tension because her plans and his plans do not coincide.

Tara: Yeah, he ridicules her plans. So, so you can see how this is going. And at some point they find a way to take a train, um, they find a train that will take them to Dublin, and he's still going to accompany her, um, because she's paying him to guide her through these twists and turns. Uh, and they're by, and we are going to butcher the pronunciation of this, but they're by... 

David: Why don't you have a, why don't you have a go on this?

Tara: The Ballycarbery Castle? It's a castle in Ireland that in this movie is by, right by the train station, and they've got two hours before the train, and they decide to walk up and walk through the castle ruins. And this is where things start to turn with their relationship because they're, they've got time, they're being more honest. He talks about, um, uh, if, and I think this came up because she asked if he'd been in a relationship before. 

David: Yeah. And he tells a, he tells a mythic story about that castle, and then he asks a question. 

Tara: Uh, yeah, he talks about, "if, if your house were on fire and you had 30 seconds to grab whatever you could before you get out and everything will be burned, what would you take?"

David: Yeah. This was, this was challenging. I mean, in the film, neither one of them answered at the time, uh, because then more hilarity ensued. Uh, but I think it's, it's interesting. Have you thought about that? 

Tara: Well, yeah, I've, I've been in, I've, not in a house fire, but I've been in that situation where I've had to evacuate and have actually had to make that choice. But it does, when you bring up that question, it's kind of the beginning of thinking like what is most important to you?

David: Yeah. 

Tara: So it's, it's the first moment in the movie where we're thinking about something deeper than just this relational, you know, conflict and being at odds. And so thinking about if you could grab one thing, or whatever you could grab in 30 seconds, what, what would that reveal about what's really important to you?

David: Yeah. 

Tara: Yeah. Do you have an answer? 

David: Well, I mean the the first thought was kind of cheesy, but making sure you and the kids are all okay and out of the house, that, that was the first thing. And then probably the second thing would be family history, like the family Bible, and any history things that kind of give people a sense of who we are and where we've come from. So those, those were the two things that came to mind is you and the kids getting out safely, and then I'd run back into the burning house, uh, to get the family, the family history. Um, I think those are the two things that would be most important to me. 

Tara: Yeah. Well, we had that moment when I was young where we were having to face the possibility of being evacuated from a coup in Kenya, and you know back then it was pretty easy. Most people said they grabbed the photo albums. It's the same thing, like you said the family history and the things you can't replace. Nowadays, I don't think I'd say photo albums first because we've digitalized most of those things. 

David: Good point, yeah. 

Tara: They're, they're somewhere else in the, you know, in the cloud or whatever. So there are a few that are really special that we couldn't probably replace as much, but I think that's often people's first thought, 

David: Yeah, first impulse. 

Tara: Besides the living things. I mean, the, you know, animals and family, I think we, we don't have any pets in the house now. Don't have to, don't have to look for any animals. 

David: And I didn't grow up with pets so that, that wouldn't be my first thought, but it's, it is the people, right? It's the, the relationships. And for us, it's, it's comforting knowing it's the same thing. Like you wouldn't just be like, "you're on your own, David. And last one out, shut the door." 

Tara: Goodness, no. And part of me, to be honest, would feel really relieved at just having, being rid of stuff.

David: So if our house sets on fire. 

Tara: No, you know... 

David: It's Tara's spring cleaning. 

Tara: Right? You know when you get to that stage of life where you're like, "I should really minimalize." 

David: Yeah, yeah. But I think our, our actions show what's important to us. And that's kind of the first piece for Declan is kind of highlighting, "oh, what you do, what you prioritize is what's most important to you. And what are you, what are you prioritizing?" And, um, that sets up for later on. Uh, so here's, here's the hook for the loop at the end. 

Tara: We will hear his answer to that question. Um, yeah, so that gives some food for thought. Meanwhile, as they're having this deeper discussion, the train comes and goes. The train, the one train, they're, they're... 

David: Rain, it starts raining. 

Tara: It starts raining, they're slipping down the mud on the hill trying to catch the train. They miss the train. Of course they miss the train. 

David: Of course they miss the train! 

Tara: So they're left stranded again, and, and the sole ticket taker guy who runs the train station happens to also run a B&B. 

David: It seems like it might be a scam. "I'm sorry, that was the last train. Hey, why don't you stay at our Airbnb?" 

Tara: Right. Um, so they end up, um, walking to this B&B so they can spend the night before the next opportunity to get out of town.

David: But the train conductor's, or ticket master's wife is very conservative, and she tells a story about how there was a couple that was just before them, but weren't married and she kicked their butts to the road. 

Tara: Right, she found out that they were not married so they were not allowed to stay in her B&B.

David: And so then she asks, "how long have you been married, dear?" And they lie! 

Tara: So they have to make up a story in order to get to stay in this B&B. So they've got to share a room and pretend they're married. 

David: Yeah. I love that because then it's who's going to have the bed, and how are they navigating all, all the fun relational part of living in the same space together.

Tara: Right, but before that happens, um, they, they, I think the inn owner comes in and tells them that she's prepared a special meal for the guests tonight, and it's tripe or something awful. 

David: Yeah, stomach, some kind of stomach. 

Tara: Some kind of entrails, 

David: Yeah, yeah. 

Tara: Um, that neither of them are excited about. And so our dear Declan, who happens to be his Dingle town chef.

David: Please don't say that again. 

Tara: That's his, that's where he's from! 

David: Okay, yep, Dingle town chef. 

Tara: They volunteer to make the meal. Um, and so this gives them some time to spend together, they're picking produce, you know, it's pure farm to table here in, in Tipperary, Ireland. And they're, they're, uh, making the meal together, and Declan had previously ridiculed Anna for, uh, being a stager because he said, "you're basically a con artist. You're, you're showing something that doesn't exist and taking it away." Um, in this scenario... 

David: That's harsh. 

Tara: Yeah, digs deep. 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: Uh, in this scenario, as they cook together, and he's using his skills, and she sets the table, he says, "oh, this is what you do in homes." She's setting the stage and setting this beautiful hospitable scene on the table. So it's kind of a moment where they get to use the things they're really good at and appreciate each other for those things. 

David: Yeah. And they, and in, in that moment of appreciation, they start to share about their own families and kind of how they got to where, where they are. Uh, before we do that though, one aside that I love was him kind of preparing the chicken, uh, because we tend to, city, city dwellers, we tend to be very far removed from our food, uh, and he picked out, had her pick out the chicken and then he dispatched it, and she was a little bit shocked. And he's like, "where do you think chicken comes from?" Uh, and for her it was, it's all pretty sanitized. And so this was a little shocking, but I think that's also about relationships, that a lot of times we want them sanitized and the difficulties, we're not dispatching things, but, um, like how sausage is made and how things are made can be a little disturbing. And how do we live in that messiness? And that, that led into their families of origin. So her, her sharing, her dad was a dreamer and, uh, kind of wasted away the family's resources and never had a purpose, necessarily, was always kind of lost in, um, the grand idea, but not able to perform things. And so she had, her family dynamic was she had to take care of things and take care of herself, uh, and she promised herself, "not going to be like that in my life. We're going to get things done." And it led to her being more, um, controlling, more focused on all the details and follow through. 

Tara: Right. So it was a good moment where you, and this was kind of the aside that we wanted to talk about because in relationships, it's really helpful to learn about somebody's family of origin or in their past history, and it sometimes really sheds a lot of light on who they are now and why they are that way and gives you a lot more understanding into who they really are, and if, if it's a quality that is a challenging quality it still gives you a lot more tolerance for it when you understand where it's coming from and the reason for it. So that was kind of a cool moment of the sharing kind of deeper things about themselves and why, how they got where they are.

David: Yeah. And there can be, I think about our, like our little proposal story kind of parallel with this, connecting it to our lives of we have strengths and growth areas that we have from our families that we bring in that you don't even think about in the romantic side or the proposal side that, oh, the, the way we're doing things aren't to annoy each other, but it's what we learn to navigate. And is there curiosity and willingness and maybe optimal pain? Cause I think I like that about this movie is you see the difficulties that they have to go to, and it challenges the way they used to do things that don't really work anymore. And there's enough discomfort that they're able to try something new. And I know in our lives, the times of discomfort have had us take pause and go, okay, is this working? Not working? What else do we need to try? But you need to have that space because otherwise the default is what you did in your family or what you saw growing up. 

Tara: Right. Well, and how you respond when somebody shares those things too, because previously in this, in this movie relationship, when she'd been sharing things that were important to her, he was responding with ridicule because it was so outside his, you know, his world and his understanding. But when she explained her father, you know, the way he failed her all the time, he responded with softness and with empathy and understanding. 

David: That you should be able to depend on your dad, and he had an appreciation for her. 

Tara: He just basically said, "I'm really sorry, that sounds hard." And that's a really good response. When somebody shares something that's hard and you can't say "oh, I understand," or, you know. 

David: Let me fix it. Let me do something different, it's just like, that's horrible, and I'm with you. 

Tara: Yeah. Yeah, so we had, we had this, this moment where sort of some, some, there's some softening happening in their attitudes towards each other as they... 

David: And then dinner, they have dinner at the table with other couples.

Tara: Yeah. And there's, there's another couple staying at the, at the place who are Italian and want... 

David: Handsy. They're handsy. 

Tara: Yeah. Yeah, and they want all the couples to show how much they love each other by kissing each other at the table. Of course a movie, you know, trope to get them to have to kiss before they're ready to kiss.

David: It seemed uncomfortable. It's like, "come on!" Anyway, uh, but it was a lovely dinner, and they connected, and then they're getting, there's this awkwardness of "where do we go from here?" And the trip continues. 

Tara: Right. So the next day they set out, I think on foot somehow? They're, I don't know if they were looking for the bus, but again, a storm interrupts their, their trip. A hailstorm happens as they're walking down the road, and they happen to accidentally crash a wedding as they take shelter. So they join a wedding that's taking place. Oh, I think they ran into a church to escape the hail that was coming down so hard. And it was such a lovely Irish, uh, gathering that they said, "just stay." and so this is where they pass the time as they wait. 

David: Yeah it's kind of a date. They get to go on a wedding crasher date. And it was lovely. They had some fun, but also mayhem ensued. 

Tara: Right. So, and this is where I think, um, Declan talked about his previous relationship and that there had been an ending, um, that wasn't his choice, that the person he was committed to chose to be with his friend instead of him. So they're learning a bit more about why he's guarded. And, um, yes, and hilarity does ensue. I, you know, the wedding part seemed a little over the top to me. There was, you know, they were dancing and doing the, the jig together and she was loosening up and enjoying... 

David: The jig. 

Tara: The jig, I don't know. What do you do in Ireland?

David: Yeah, it sounds like a jig. Irish jig. Yeah, I think so. Well, and then the wedding, the bride gave a toast. And I know you think this is corny, but I, I'm going to read the toast. And so she, she slows down the party and says, "I just want to toast to my husband of please never steal unless you're going to steal my heart. Please never lie unless you're going to lie with me at night. Please never cheat unless you're going to cheat death so we can spend time together." And I just like, I melted. I'm like, that's so the, the opposites and how beautiful that is. And, um, and you kind of went, "buh." 

Tara: Yeah, I'm a... yeah. I'm a fan of actions more than words.

David: Yeah, and I think the words are beautiful. 

Tara: Which is so funny because you, you don't really like cards with words or anything. 

David: No, but there, it's something about the vulnerability and kind of it going one way and then going the other. I, I liked that. 

Tara: Yeah, you liked the poetry of it. 

David: Yeah. 

Tara: Yeah, that was a sweet moment. And then, and then it was, it went kind of downhill from there because during the dancing somehow the, Anna like nails the bride in the head with her shoe that flies off during the dancing. 

David: Yep, spills red wine on her dress. 

Tara: Spills red wine on the bride's white dress, then feels so bad that she drinks too much at the wedding and ends up vomiting on Declan's shoes. And the night ends in a really, in a really bad way. Um, and then they're back to square one, kind of a, they have another night in the B&B. Somehow they get on a bus. 

David: They sleep at the bus station. They walk to town and sleep on a bench. And, uh, waiting for the bus. 

Tara: That's right. So they sleep on a bench in, you know, disarray.

David: That's right. And uh, she gets up first. He's, he's passed out cause he took care of her all night, and he thinks she's gotten on the bus and left him, and he's kind of realizing his feelings for her. And then she comes from around the corner having coffee for them both. So there's a tender, tender moment and they proceed from that tender moment. Uh, do they talk about... 

Tara: They get on the bus. Now they're finally making it to their destination, so somehow he still needs to accompany her, which, you know, I'm not sure if that's necessary, but they're on the bus to Dublin. Um, she arrives. He walks her to the hotel so he can get his payment because she wants to go get some cash, um, in the hotel. He's going to get his payment and be on his way, and this will be the end of it. 

David: And is this where he shares what he would get in the fire drill? 

Tara: No. 

David: Oh, okay. 

Tara: Um, I don't know if it's where, but... 

David: It's close. 

Tara: It's close. So she, they arrive at the hotel and Jeremy is there, 

David: Ah, Jeremy! 

Tara: And he sees her, he's happy to see her. He walks straight to her, gets down on one knee and proposes to her while people are filming this, and she has her moment, she came to propose to him and now before she even says "hello" he's already asking her to marry him. 

David: Yeah, so no proposal for her on leap day. 

Tara: So it would seem she got what she came for, and Declan turns around and walks out the door. And then the next, next thing we know she's back in Boston. 

David: We're in Boston. 

Tara: Back in Boston, and we didn't really explain this but at the beginning when she and Jeremy, um, were in Boston, they were applying to move in together into a... 

David: Rent control, fancy apartment. 

Tara: A really nice apartment in Boston in an old, you know, an old building, the kind where it's run by a, um, what would you call it? Like a management committee, 

David: Committee. 

Tara: And you have to apply and have an interview, and you have to be the right sort of people to live in this special apartment, and it's very prestigious. Um, and so they had applied for that right before all of this happened. And Jeremy gave her the news that they were accepted. 

David: Woohoo! 

Tara: They were, they got the apartment. And so when we, we leave Dublin, they're back in Boston having a housewarming party in this fancy, very fancy, 

David: Very fancy! 

Tara: Apartment.

Uh, and now seemingly Anna has everything that she had been hoping for: this beautiful apartment, she's engaged to her cardiologist fiancé, all her friends are there eating and drinking. 

David: And Jeremy's sharing with them about all this excitement that's gone on. 

Tara: Yes. Their friends are congratulating them about this beautiful apartment and he says, "yes, when the committee called, they made it clear that they prioritized married couples." And so he said, "I figured why not?" So he made it clear 

David: "Helped us land the apartment, that we get married." 

Tara: That the proposal and the video proof was what helped them get the apartment. 

David: Oh, Jeremy. And so then Anna, uh, sulks a little bit, and then the next thing you know, there's a fire alarm in the apartment. Anna has pulled the fire alarm to actually do an enactment of: 

Tara: Right. 

David: What would you do if you had 30 seconds? 

Tara: What would you do? Yeah, so the fire alarms go off, and I think, uh, the, the um, the water's coming down, you know, the whole thing. 

David: Yep. 

Tara: And people are evacuating, and so they have that moment when you're, it might be on fire, and what are you going to do, what are you going to grab? And all the guests have left, and she's standing there watching what Jeremy's going to do. And he's telling her to run and grab his laptop, or his TV, or... 

David: Phone, all technology and resources. And it highlighted what he prioritized was the stuff. And uh, Anna leaves the apartment without talking to him. And scene. 

Tara: Yes. 

David: So there's this fire, there's this moment of realizing what's important, and the privileging of the relationship or privileging the relationship helps with all the other stuff, uh, and she didn't want that. So now we cut to Dingle! 

Tara: Back in Dingle. 

David: The Dingle pub. 

Tara: So yeah, so Anna has this strong realization that everything she'd been striving for was not what she wanted anymore. And so we see her back in the pub in Dingle and she has not told Declan she's coming. 

David: Nope. And he's, in the meantime, uh, he didn't take any money from Jeremy for shepherding Anna to the hotel, and there was a community event. All the community members raised money to save the pub. And so his friends, his community, people that loved him for him, raised money and saved the pub. So they were having a successful evening with the pub full, and Jeremy's cooking. And he's– 

Tara: Not Jeremy. 

David: Oh, I'm sorry, Declan. Declan's cooking. 

Tara: Yeah. 

David: And someone comes back to the kitchen to tell Declan someone doesn't like the chicken. 

Tara: Right and he comes out and there's Anna. And she pours out her heart. She's prepared this speech and basically told him, "I want to be with you." And is this where she says she wants to not make plans together?

David: Nope, that's later on. 

Tara: That's later? Oh I skipped ahead! 

David: Wah wah. So she pours out her heart, and then he doesn't say anything and walks away. And she's left standing there with everybody in Dingle looking at her. 

Tara: And she interprets this as abandonment, the same way she was, her dad always left. And, um, she thinks he's completely rejected her after this vulnerable moment. So she runs out of course, to the Irish cliff side. 

David: Yeah. I thought she was going to jump. 

Tara: That would have been a really bad ending. 

David: Whole different movie. And she's standing there just looking mournfully into the Irish sea. I don't know if it's Irish sea, but into the, into the ocean. 

Tara: Into the sea, yes, and Declan follows her out there. Um, and— 

David: And he says, "where did you go?" 

Tara: "I just went to get something!" 

David: And he got the thing that was most important to him that he would have rescued if there was a fire. 

Tara: Yeah. So he tells the rest of that story where there was a very special ring that was in his family, I think it was his mother's, and it was in his possession. He was in a committed relationship, and he gave that ring to the person that ultimately betrayed him, and he had never gotten it back. That was the most important thing to him because it symbolized his family history, and his commitment, and his love, and the tradition of that. And while she had gone back to Boston, he'd gone back to his ex and had asked for the ring back because it was the one thing that he remembered he would have saved in a, in a fire. And so he extends that ring to her and asks her to marry him. 

David: And this may or may not be where I started to get choked up and a little sad. 

Tara: Sad? Or happy? Happy tears? 

David: I don't know. It was, I was crying so it was hard to tell what the feelings were. And he then, on this cliff, proposes to her, and she, oh no, before he proposes, she says ... 

Tara: So yeah, Anna said, Anna, who's completely flipped her script and has completely changed what's important to her says, "do you want to not make plans with me?" And he says, "Oh, I want to make plans with you."

David: Hey, all right! 

Tara: So things have, the tables have turned, and, um, and she stays. 

David: Yeah. And then they drive off with, uh, King Louis strapped to the top of their Renault 4, uh, her suitcase and his car, and they are finding a new life together. It, It's just, it's beautiful because the reason I get emotional about it is it's, it is relational focus. It's like, this is what's most important. This connection, being open, being honest, having shared adventure, dealing with the pain and living into it together. All of that. I'm all, I'm all over that. 

Tara: Yeah, but do you ever worry about how little time they really spent together? It had to have been about a week.

David: Don't, so why are you getting all logical up in here? 

Tara: Ah, I just, you're getting too gushy. 

David: It's true. It does take a lot of work and a lot of intentionality. And— 

Tara: And we know they'll have some more conflict. 

David: But what's prioritized, what they prioritize is no longer the outcome, getting the perfect vision of a table or a room, or it's, it's the process of being together and not, not necessarily worrying about the outcome. How are we, how are we going to do this together? How are we going to be hand in hand? Uh, whatever, whatever storms or mayhem or hilarity ensue. 

Tara: And because it was leap day, I think that the take home too is it's, it's, it only happens once a year. It's a good day to take a risk. So we hope you'll take a risk for love today, whatever that looks like for you.

David: Yeah. Have fun.